They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
