as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
