Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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