Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
