please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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