I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
