he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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