There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
