OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
