I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
