I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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