sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
