i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
