I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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