Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
