yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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