And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
