I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
