how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
