Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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