took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
