He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
