I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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