I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
