I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
