you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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