Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
