so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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