no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
