i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
