butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize