Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
