Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
