If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
