i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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