It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
