saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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