Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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