Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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