gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
