So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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