Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
