So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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