We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
