Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
