then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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