Im at strip club and am horny
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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