WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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