i think i have herpe
just one?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
