I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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