Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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