Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize