dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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