it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
