i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
