Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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