yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
