I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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