So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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