He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
