Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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