i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
is wine microwaveable?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
