True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
