Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
