just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
