Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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