Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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