I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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