false alarm. still invincible.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
