We named our party play list daddy issues
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
