I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
