My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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