fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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