My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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