Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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