I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
