lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
