i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
