So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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