he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
