Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
