I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
